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Samantamor

Member

In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Im married but been crossdeessing since I was 14.
I need to be able to go aout dressed in  full, but I live in a small town and I am afraid someone would spot me. Need advise on how to do it.

mary20603

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

I would suggest to keep it a simple outing such as going to the post office to mail a letter or to stop by and get gas etc. keep away from shopping malls or stores at first to you gain a little confidence. Also remember to dress appropriately for where you are going and the the season you are in. Don't wear a cocktail dress to mail a letter and don't wear a strapless summer dress in the dead of winter time. Before you venture out  be sure to spend some time observing the women and how they dress for such activities . Above all take it slow do a small drive then do an errand or two and then move up from there

jacqueline46b

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

I also live in a small rural town where there's no opportunity for me to chance going out in public dressed as Jacqueline- no tg-friendly bar, club, restaurant, theater, store, etc., so I have no suggestion for you. Probably the best you can do is find another CD online who is living nearby and get to know each other so that you can visit her in her own home or meet in a motel/hotel that has private entrances to downstairs rooms. I dress (or pack clothes, makeup, etc.) and drive to one of the cities nearest me- that's 1.5 hrs to 4.5 hrs (Denver) away- and have some fun there.

Samantamor

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Exelent idea. Thanks
I will try that

GStacyHouTX

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Eventually, your wife is likely to go visit family for a weekend or holiday, leaving you all by yourself. That is your opportunity.
First, find the nearest bar full of queens. It is likely in the closest big city.
Second, recon it one night in your regular clothes. Put on some glasses, a hat, etc. to even disguise your regular self. If the bar has at least one crossdresser, you're good. It's likely going to be a gay bar, but at least it's safe. What you want is a bar like that one at the beginning of the Lady Gaga "A Start is Born".
Third, start preparing for a night out. Rent a nearby hotel room for the night. You get all made up, and don't have far to go.
Fourth, those kinds of bars usually have the drag shows, where a TG lip syncs on stage, that sort of thing. Those will be the nights where a lot goes on. From the other TGs, they might tell you of other similar bars.
Fifth, the next morning, get all cleaned up, and head for home.

ariag1986

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

If you are concerned that people will be able to tell you aren't a biological woman, I unfortunately have nothing for you because the reality is that people are going to be able to tell. Almost nobody is that good. You just have to let go of that concern. However, if you are concerned that people will recognize you, I'm guessing you can quit worrying about that. For the most part, unless you give them some kind of context that would point out your identity (such as going out with someone you know that might be recognized by others, going to places you usually spend a lot of time in, wearing the t-shirt of an obscure band people know you are into, etc) people are not going to realize who you are. We tend to look in the mirror and think we don't look any different, but we see the process and know who we are. Out in the wild, if people see you in a dress and wig, their mind might leap to a lot of things, but the chances they will connect the dots to get back to your day to day identity are slim to none.

I'd suggest something simple and don't call a lot of attention to yourself. Go out for a walk, or just get in your car and drive around. Any little thing. I remember that feeling of being trapped inside my own home and I hated it. You will get there, and trust me when I say it's extremely liberating. Best of luck.

MsJessicaRabbitx

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Im married but been crossdeessing since I was 14.
I need to be able to go aout dressed in  full, but I live in a small town and I am afraid someone would spot me. Need advise on how to do it.

I’ve been full time for 15 yrs and how I started out driving around in my girl stuff .Then Eventually stepping up to hanging out in the gay community and  being around people. That I knew would be open minded which made me feel little more comfortable and then Eventually moved to social Society we’re people weren’t so open minded . I just say take baby steps . And just go at your own pace . If you live in a small town maybe venture out to a different town where people don’t know you. That’s always another idea if you worry about running into somebody. Well I hope this helps somewhat good luck and have a great day

Lovinglisa

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Try going to yr favorite Walgreen's  drug store a gal needs her makeup an thingngszzzzz very friendly late nites  n happy yr there

Carolynj

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

I will tell you what I used to do.Wear as much feminine attire as you can get away with under your male clothes. Drive somewhere else and change in the car.However sadly there is no substitute for dressing the way you want to,sorry.

Itsgoindown26

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

I love transgenders i would love to have fun with one if you won’t some of this black dick hmu 313-854-1682

Allbottom

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Would love to chat with others who are curious and kinda afraid. Cross dressing and fantasizing a lot.

Allbottom

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

LOVE dressing!!   Would love to chat with others about it too.

NicoleA

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Its better to go out during the day when its crowded all you have to do is blend in and wear what other women are wearing save the designer dresses and high heels for a night out.
People don't stare and will hardly notice unless you are wearing a cocktail dress in a shopping centre. Observe what other women are wearing and copy them its worth it before long you will wonder what the fuss is all about.

Hawke

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

A good place to dress any way you want is Key West Florida , they don't care what any one wears , they don't care what gender preference you are or want to be  , they don't care what you do in public , just don't take up 2 parking places ,  and no where on the planet can compare to Holloween week , but you have get a motel or hotel room a year in advance, I live in the Keys so it's a short time drive for me ,  life just doesn't get any better.

Hawke

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

So now I'm sitting on my upper deck in Marathon , watching a hurricane go by. Lots of rain on and off , and all the stores are sold out of beer and toilet paper.  A lot of people left already , I have the boat tied slack to the dock , this way it can move with the swells ,
  The girls drove up to St Augustine for a few days. ,, So who wants to join me...

Ashash

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Hi,  very new here. I feel exactly the same. I have been crossdressing for years in the closet. I'm now 60 and would love desperately to meet others and venture out. I live in Brisbane Australia and only feel comfortable within my self while dressed.

MacKayKT

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Hi, my name is Kate, I accepted I was transgender in 2013, was 24/7 public by early 2014, and started HRT in 2015.  I'm an invisible, *ahem* I mean a trans-parent with 3 boys (15/20/22 currently) and have never been happier in my life.  The following are a few of the steps and tips I started out with.  I am a Canadian gal in Halifax, Nova Scotia and have honestly had far more positive experiences than negative along this crazy but amazing journey.  I am proud to be who I am and not afraid to be spotted as a trans woman.  This came from slowly taking many of these steps and growing confident.  I consider myself a 6'1 225lb TrAmazon and don't put up with much nonsense. I'm here to help, support, lend a hand, or hold your hand if needed.

The first baby steps I suggest if you are alone are:
Firstly as mentioned before - do some recon - see what the women where you live are wearing while doing any of the following activities.  Even wearing makeup(wig), yoga pants and a tank top for a quick walk / drive is more exciting than being DRAB (DRessed As a Boy).  Graduate to a skirt/dress... etc etc
If you're struggling with makeup I suggest checking out YouTube for everyday makeup tips n tricks by cis-gals - also check out those by CD/TS/Drag gals for the extra tips needed to present yourself as that lovely woman we all want to meet.

1) Step out after dark / late on your balcony, back deck, back yard and just feel the wind, hear the sounds.
2) Go for a drive after dark. Can be as short as around the block or a quick trip around town. (note: small town - drive to the next town instead)
3) Go for a walk around the block after dark / late. I suggest flats the first time or two... Practice those heels before venturing outdoors!
4) As you grow more comfortable, start adding a trip through a drive-thru. Go to the ATM (after dark, less populated time). (same if small town - drive to the next if you want)
5) You can expand your world slowly from here.  Head to the next town, or go across town where you won't be recognized (and honestly? if you are wearing a wig/makeup most who know you won't be expecting to see YOU or recognize that woman on the street is YOU)

I started out this way and eventually had enough courage to wear a skirt/top to: hit the ATM for some cash, grabbed a coffee at a drive-thru, went to the mall and bought flats & a purse, then hit the liquor store for a celebratory bottle of wine before heading home.

Tips:
Confidence is key - you will be spotted if you are nervous or suspicious of others watching you. Relax, enjoy the experience and blend in!
Confidence comes from: ACCEPTING who you are. BELIEVING in yourself. LOVING who you are. As you become comfortable the confidence will grow.
Don't put yourself in difficult situations.  If you're going somewhere new, perhaps go there DRAB to check it out, become familiar and then allow your beautiful self to check it out.
I remember thinking 99% of the public are going to watch/spot me and mock me / hate me for daring to go out.  Once I started going out the reverse seemed to be true - 1% cared / were offended IF they noticed I was different. My experiences are based on my geography surroundings.  I can't say how positive or negative your experiences may be.
Find someone locally, could be another CD/TG or a trusted female friend / family member.  It's so much easier when you have a buddy system! I did most of these early steps on my own before I found sites like here and others *gasp* omg there are other people just like me?!?!

Please feel free to comment, reach out to me if you want to hear more.
Kate

Charlotte

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Hi, my name is Kate, I accepted I was transgender in 2013, was 24/7 public by early 2014, and started HRT in 2015.  I'm an invisible, *ahem* I mean a trans-parent with 3 boys (15/20/22 currently) and have never been happier in my life.  The following are a few of the steps and tips I started out with.  I am a Canadian gal in Halifax, Nova Scotia and have honestly had far more positive experiences than negative along this crazy but amazing journey.  I am proud to be who I am and not afraid to be spotted as a trans woman.  This came from slowly taking many of these steps and growing confident.  I consider myself a 6'1 225lb TrAmazon and don't put up with much nonsense. I'm here to help, support, lend a hand, or hold your hand if needed.

The first baby steps I suggest if you are alone are:
Firstly as mentioned before - do some recon - see what the women where you live are wearing while doing any of the following activities.  Even wearing makeup(wig), yoga pants and a tank top for a quick walk / drive is more exciting than being DRAB (DRessed As a Boy).  Graduate to a skirt/dress... etc etc
If you're struggling with makeup I suggest checking out YouTube for everyday makeup tips n tricks by cis-gals - also check out those by CD/TS/Drag gals for the extra tips needed to present yourself as that lovely woman we all want to meet.

1) Step out after dark / late on your balcony, back deck, back yard and just feel the wind, hear the sounds.
2) Go for a drive after dark. Can be as short as around the block or a quick trip around town. (note: small town - drive to the next town instead)
3) Go for a walk around the block after dark / late. I suggest flats the first time or two... Practice those heels before venturing outdoors!
4) As you grow more comfortable, start adding a trip through a drive-thru. Go to the ATM (after dark, less populated time). (same if small town - drive to the next if you want)
5) You can expand your world slowly from here.  Head to the next town, or go across town where you won't be recognized (and honestly? if you are wearing a wig/makeup most who know you won't be expecting to see YOU or recognize that woman on the street is YOU)

I started out this way and eventually had enough courage to wear a skirt/top to: hit the ATM for some cash, grabbed a coffee at a drive-thru, went to the mall and bought flats & a purse, then hit the liquor store for a celebratory bottle of wine before heading home.

Tips:
Confidence is key - you will be spotted if you are nervous or suspicious of others watching you. Relax, enjoy the experience and blend in!
Confidence comes from: ACCEPTING who you are. BELIEVING in yourself. LOVING who you are. As you become comfortable the confidence will grow.
Don't put yourself in difficult situations.  If you're going somewhere new, perhaps go there DRAB to check it out, become familiar and then allow your beautiful self to check it out.
I remember thinking 99% of the public are going to watch/spot me and mock me / hate me for daring to go out.  Once I started going out the reverse seemed to be true - 1% cared / were offended IF they noticed I was different. My experiences are based on my geography surroundings.  I can't say how positive or negative your experiences may be.
Find someone locally, could be another CD/TG or a trusted female friend / family member.  It's so much easier when you have a buddy system! I did most of these early steps on my own before I found sites like here and others *gasp* omg there are other people just like me?!?!

Please feel free to comment, reach out to me if you want to hear more.
Kate

Exactly! Moral support is so important. Find a person who shares your interests and not going to be your %*?!
buddy. Disclaimer- I am very much in the closet and getting started..

Hawke

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Wise lady , you hit it on the head , good advice , I just hope more people see this.

Drew64

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

I don't go outside in full female mode but if possible I will wear a bra and panties under my clothes when visiting the supermarket or just going for a walk. I like to think that people don't notice my bra under bulky clothes in winter but not convinced that I'm quite pulling that off. Can also get clocked if you do something stupid. Example, in the supermarket at some stage my left bra strap slid off my shoulder, without even thinking about it I shoved my hand under my clothes to reset my bra strap and there was an audible thwack of strap slapping against skin. The woman closest to me ofc recognised that sound instantly but just smiled at me and went on with her shopping. I suppose most people just don't care as much as we think they do.

bree

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Hello, i too am in the same boat, All thought the are a number of m2f Cds or tg here or near by that go out in public, i don't know how they do it most of the time they are pointed at, laughed at and bullied the same for their families. In my opinion this brave & selfish, brave for being who they are but selfish for subjecting their families even if they are supported by their families, I have yet to figure out how to stop being a protective parent and concerned with my children, grandchildren's wellbeing, So i have come to the realization that I will continue presenting the hard core tough male image that causes me so much confusion & pain!

Lilyinheels

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Most people are clueless. Just do it and you will be surprised at how many people don't notice.

I was terrified my first time. For about thirty seconds. Then I realized this is how I'm supposed to dress and it worked out wonderful. At my size and shape I can't pass and don't even try but nobody bothered me.

I routinely walk the dogs now early morning in a nightgown and heels. Been passed many times by people in cars and other walkers. Nobody bats an eye

suejrz

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

i suggest you try to blend in as best you can.  You get more respect if you put some effort in your look.  Experiment with hair and makeup.  Practice posture and poise.  Look at helpful videos on walking and feminine gestures.  Practice speaking in a more feminine tone.  Remember practiice makes perfect or at least better.

Agape

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

Most people are more accepting than you think.

But sometimes the problem is peer pressure. You go out to a mall or something, and maybe someone you meet doesn't really care. They might even kind of like you. But they feel like their friend is judging you, and maybe judging them for their reaction. So instead of being nice, they judge you. And maybe their friend does the same thing.

So in my opinion and limited experience, it is better to start in places where there aren't too many people, and most of them aren't travelling in friend packs. Post office. Doctor's office. Library. Stuff like that.

nugrl72

Member

Re: In the closet dying to go outside but Im afraid

The first time out is the scariest.You're worried about being recognized as a guy,getting berated,possibly being attacked or worse.My best advice to you is to not dress provocatively as that indeed gives opportunity for your male physique to be clearly seen.Dress conservatively,light make up (more earth tones as bright colors screams for attention and scrutiny.),long skirt or dress with a larger than needed blouse to hide your shoulders.I am trans myself and been transitioning for over a decade and have learned that people are less likely to stare at you if you are dressed like a teacher or lawyer,and less likely to stare if you are seen often.Start by going to Walmart dressed.Being married,I'm guessing your wife doesn't know so go to another town.Also,always act like you belong there even if you don't.Don't look scared,nervous or lost.Confidently go about your business even if that is to window shop.